Sumi's Cafe

This is a rant. Do not read further if you do not want to waste your time.


I've never been so conscious about how I look. Though I try to look my best when going out, I never experienced worrying to much about a pimple or those kind of stuffs. I've been suffering from skin asthma since childhood, but I was never too paranoid that people will make fun of me because of it. I think I don't really care if others would see the negative aspect in me.. Well, in the physical apect, that is..

But these past few days were different.. I never thought that anything like this would be possible and I never thought that I would be the same as the people I never liked. I mean, before, I would think that people who worry about acne or anything related are over-reacting.. Especially those who would panic just because of a pimple.

Then it happened...

Two weeks ago, we had a project (robotics) in our Physics class.. And we need to solder the PCB board of the robot.. The project was exciting and fun.. Eventhough it was a drag to solder the parts myself since most of my groupmates have shaky hands. After that day, there were rashes popping out of my chin area. I thought that it might be caused by the lead, since the soldering wire has lead as a component. So the next day, I wrapped my big handkerchief around my mouth area so that no further irritation will occur. But when I got home, I noticed that rashes still keep on popping out of nowhere.. After that, I just asked a friend to do the work for me, though he's in a different group. I never wanted to make further damages on my face. Since the rashes were not only eye-catching but also itchy as hell.

I thought everything would stop since I never held the soldering iron again. But even after finishing our project, I would still feel a part of my face itching, till a big part of my face's lower area were already covered with rashes. This condition really brought me anxiety.. And not to mention a big decrease in my self-confidence. I became so conscious about how people will think, and I also can't accept that this is all mine. I mean, I've never seen myself this worse. My friends say that I shouldn't worry too much because stress can only make my face look even worse. But I just can't help it, since every hour, there's a new rash that would pop out.

I already went to BeloMed for treatment.. I think they can really improve my condition and treat the scars. But since this is really caused by an allergy, I fear that they might not be able to stop formation of new rashes. I'm a bit confused on what to do now. I never thought that this damage could be so costly. My parents are complaining of how I'm too shallow for not taking good care of myself. They said that our project is not worth the expense we're about to face because of this damage.

But I know by the end of the day, God made this for a purpose. Maybe there is something that He wants me to learn and I need to experience this in order to learn that. Well, whatever it is.. I hope I would soon learn my lesson and I pray that my condition would get better soon. Since I don't want these rashes to completely invade my skin.. >__<

EDIT: My condition is doing better, I think.. The number of rashes I get everyday decreases.. From last week's 15-20 per day.. Now, I only get 8-12 per day.. I guess for starters, this is something! Hopefully, next week the formation of new rashes would stop already.